The Order of Things

Not an easy life...

2011-09-20T06:35:00.000-07:00

My life has always been a struggle from the time I was little. I was born with whooping cough and was in the hospital more than at home for the first few yrs of my life. Mom and dad both worked, but dad drank and gambled away most of his paycheck. I was about 7 yrs old when I saw my dad beat my mom. She left and came back the next morning with the police. They made him leave.

Even though I know that it was for the best for him to leave, I resent being left behind. It is like he moved on with his life and forgot about me. Eventually he quit coming to get me for weekends. When he remarried, he did not even have the decency to call my sister and I to tell us. He even admitted at one point that he did not get me any more because his new wife did not allow it. Since when is it ok for a parent to choose a new spouse over their kids?

I started to feel neglected by mom too. If she was not at work, she was out at bingo or at a club or with her boyfriend. I never came first for anyone. This led to turning to food. I gained a lot of weight. This then led to me getting picked on at school. I could not get a break anywhere.

I thought things would be better when I got married. I had a man who loved me unconditionally. My life seemed to be getting better. Coming from a big family, starting to a family was something my husband wanted right away. It only took a few months for me to get pregnant with our daughter. Life was on the up side. After a yr and a half, we decided it was time to add to our family again. After 3 yrs of trying, we went to the doctor for help. I went on Clomid. I did get pregnant twice but miscarried. Our daughter was 7 before we had another baby. I would like nothing more than to add another baby to our family. It makes me feel like a failure to not be able to give my husband a big family. He keeps trying to reassure me, but I still feel this way. To make things worse, I thought I was pregnant again and took a test today that came out negative.

WHEN WILL I GET A BREAK?!?!?!

My many flaws...

2011-08-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

Over the years I have watched my children learn and grow as individuals. As adults, we need to learn and grow as well. It is never easy to see the flaws in ourselves. However, in order to grow, we must learn from our mistakes and also change our ways in order to avoid these mistakes in the future. This is not always an easy task.

Married couples often see the flaws in their partner. However, just pointing out those flaws and not looking inside yourself at your own flaws and trying to correct them will only lead to trouble and heartache. Over the course of my marriage, almost 15 yrs, I have had to take a deep look inside of myself to see what flaws I have that might bother someone else. This is not something solely for the sake of my marriage. This is also with my relationship with Christ. I also has to do with how I treat everyone I come in contact with... especially my friends, family and co-workers.

It is not always easy to make changes. I am a very stubborn person. I also do not like change. However, in order to be a better person every day I strive to make changes within myself in order to be an example to my children as well as others. I am not saying that I am perfect. I am far from being perfect. However, each day I strive to be the best person I know how to be and Pray that God can give me the strength to overcome the obstacles in my way.

Life's Lessons...

2011-08-17T07:28:00.000-07:00

Parenting not only means taking care of your children, but also teaching them life's lessons. One of the very first lessons I think it is our job as parents to teach is love. From the time they are born, we show love to them and they then show that same love back to us. In turn, they also learn to love Christ and others as they get older. This is best accomplished by parents setting the example.

We next tend to focus on teaching them right from wrong. This lesson seems to be never ending as our children grow and change. However, if we start when they are little and are consistent, then they will grow to be obedient and loving children.

As my children get older, I try to teach them to help around the house. Many people disagree with me, but I give my children an allowance if they do their chores each week without me having to stand over them forcing them to do what they know they need to do each day. I believe this teaches 2 lessons in one: responsibility and the value of a dollar.

As I teach my children, I always seem to learn something in the process as well. Life is a learning process for all of us and not just our kids.

Learning to Wait

2011-07-12T06:39:00.000-07:00

Patience is a virtue - one in which I do not posess. In life we always seem to be waiting for something. Whether it is waiting for a phone call or waiting on an answer from God. This is a constant source or frustration for me.

For several years now, a big part of my relationship with Christ is music. I love to sing. In fact, mom and I used to sing together in church. Below are a few songs listed that I use in my everyday life:

In His Time by The Rochesters
Keep Me in Your Will by Jessica King

I have several issues going on in my life right now. Most of them have been going on for quite some time. As I look back on them, I can see that God is sorting them out for me one by one. I know that everything happens for a reason. However, I just wish I knew these reasons when things were happening.

As I walk through my day, I wait on the Lord to show me His will. Patience is a constant struggle in life in general. Each day I pray for God to help me to learn to be patient with him and with the ones I love.

When things get hectic...

2011-01-26T07:24:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, men worked and women stayed home and took care of the kids and the household. Today, there are still some moms that stay home and do that, but there are also a lot that work outside of the home as well. I am one of those moms that must work outside the home. Right now it is just not possible for my family to live just on my husband's income.

With 2 working adults and 2 kids, life can definately get hectic at times. First of all, neither my schedule nor my husbands is consistant. His schedule changes every other week, and mine changes every month. Since I work from home, I am also homeschooling our daughter via a Cyber Charter school. Since I am on the phone most of the day, our 4 yr old son is currently in daycare so that he is not neglected during the day.

You can certainly see that just knowing which schedule to follow on which day can get frustrating. Trying to coordinate dinner for our schedules is even worse. If hubby is on late shift, that means the kids need to eat before he gets home and then he still needs a hot meal once he gets home. I try to use my crock pot as much as possible, but I am afraid I am running out of ideas.

I try my hardest not to take my frustrations out on my family. I have tried getting the kids involved in an activity that does not need my attention and going to another room to calm down. This works for about 15 minutes. Then the 4 yr old starts calling me or looking for me. I have also tried having my 11 yr old entertain the 4 yr old while I get my Bible out to read. This works for about half an hour.

I know I am not the only frustrated parent in the world. I also know that even moms who stay at home with their kids get frustrated. What I need to know is how to better deal with my frustrations. Any ideas?

My Journal

2011-01-13T06:34:00.000-08:00

In My Winter Kitchen its time to ……….
Start Baking more. I find that baking can help me stay on budget. Baking anything from bread to cookies and cakes is cheaper than buying them in the store. It is also fun to get the kids involved and watch their excitement over something so simple as helping mix batter.

My biggest Time-Waster seems to be ……..
Watching television. I have found myself watching more and more lately. There for a while I was limiting myself to 1 show a day. Now it seems I sit and watch one right after another. This has got to change.

I do/do not view Time as a gift from God and here is why……
I view my time as a gift from God. Often as the days pass quickly we go through the motions of the day and don't give much thought to where the time has gone. Then we get a rainy day or a snowy day where the family spends the day indoors. These are the days that I look at my husband and my kids and all of my blessings and thank God for the special time he has given me with my family.

When others are slow or dawdle I ………
get irritated. I try to show patience with the kids and teach them that it is not right to dawdle. However, when it is an adult that dawdles I get very frustrated. My time is valuable and when someone dawdles, they are taking up time that could better be spent doing something else.

One way that I make good use of time in my household is …..
Depending on my schedule for work, I do minor tidying up either before work or when I get out of work and am making dinner. This enables me to spend quality time with my children before bed and not having to do too much after they are done for the evening.

Why We Have a Budget!

2011-01-07T13:23:00.000-08:00

I know that in my home, we have to follow a budget. House payment and all household bills must be paid before we can do fun activities outside the home like going to the movies or eating out. Each week our family has a certain amount of money after bills to pay for food, gas to get back and forth to work, and the remainder is put into our fun fund. If after that there is additional money left over, we put it on the credit cards and other loans to help us to try and get out of debt faster.

I have found that if I go into the grocery store with a list of what I need for the next week's meals, and know that the amount it will cost to purchase those items it close to my budgeted amount, I am less likely to buy things not on my list. It also helps to know that if I do go over my budget, that I then have to remove that money from the fun fund. Knowing that going over budget takes away small fun things not only for the family, but individually for me as well, helps keep me on track.

Gas money for the week is a must. I can remember when I was younger, my brother was always coming and asking my mom to borrow money for gas. By not budgeting for gas, he had caused 2 problems: he must borrow from someone else in order to be able to get to work & he would then start the next week in the hole by however much he borrowed.

The fun fund was started by my husband when we were first married. We were making very little money and our schedules often were opposite one another. Therefore, on the occasion that we both had a day off together, we did not want to waste it indoors. Living in the south at the time gave us the opportunity to do quite a bit without spending money. However, it was just nice to be able to go out to dinner or out to a movie every now and then. The fun fund doesn't have to be spent each week. It is nice when it adds up and we can do something special with the kids like taking them to an amusement park for the day.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I get frustrated when it seems like there just is not enough money to do the things we want to do all of the time. However, I know that every time that we have an extra couple of hundred dollars, it is put on a bill to get it paid off early. For every bill paid off early, we are a little closer to our goal of being debt free!

A New Beginning

2011-01-03T10:51:00.000-08:00

As always, a new year brings the chance for change. Change can come in many forms. For me, change comes in a few different forms: Weight Issues & Household Chores.

Throughout my life I have struggled with my weight. This issue has then caused other problems in my life. One of the biggest issues I have being obese is the lack of energy. Every year I make a resolution to lose weight. Every year I fail. In fact, I gained weight in 2010. This year I am going to try a new approach. Instead of dieting, I want to try changing how I eat. This means more fruits and veggies and less packaged meals. In the past I have tried every diet out there and it just has not worked.

In my household, I tend to get very relaxed. I try to keep up with the basics such as laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming. However, it is very easy to get behind on all of it. I end up doing what my husband calls "playing catch up" all the time. I have made list after list and it just does not work. I have tried other people's suggestions, but with my work schedule which changes all the time and trying to spend quality time with my kids, it just does not seem to work.

With this year I will be trying new things. Along with these new things is this new Blog. I invite you to come with me and give me any and all feedback that you feel I need to help me make my life and this Blog better.