The Struggle Within

I had a conversation with a friend a little over a year ago.  We both admitted that we had things in our lives that we were struggling with.  We talked a little about those struggles.  That was extremely hard for me.  There are only a select few people that I discuss my struggles with.

Romans 3:23 says " For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  So why do we hide our short comings?  Are we afraid that if others find out that we have faults, that they will think less of us?  I have found that it is more important what God thinks of me, than what people think of me.  Let people think what they want.  Don't let it bother you.

Maybe if we share our struggles with others, then we will find strength in each other.  We can pray for each other.  We can get advice from those that have gone through similar trials.

Forgiveness

I am a very stubborn person.  I have held grudges against people over stupid stuff.  What good does that do?  Absolutely none.  Those people don't care that I have that anger festering within me.  The only person that it hurts is me.

Matthew 6 says we are to forgive others.  It doesn't say "if you feel like it or if you want to." It says if you don't, God won't forgive you.  That's a powerful statement.  If I don't forgive others for their shortcomings, God won't forgive me of mine.

Life is short.  You never know when your time here on Earth is done.  You need to forgive now while you have a chance.  Trust me, once you do, you will find a peace like you have never known.

Is someone hurting my feelings worth me not going to heaven?  I don't think so.  It's not easy, but we must forgive others just as God has forgiven us.

Spiritual Attack

You know I've been learning a lot in the past few months. I'm learning that no matter what I do, Christ has to be the center of it. However, Satan doesn't doesn't like that.

Lately I feel like I'm under attack. I was on a good track of being positive.  Now our Central Air Conditioner is broken.  We also need a new refrigerator.  We found out that both need replaced on the same day.

This stinks!  However, Satan doesn't win this one.  I choose to stay positive.  Some may complain because we just paid off our credit cards.  I choose to thank God that we have the capability to purchase the new items that we need.

You know, it's not just about having put more money on the credit card that we just paid off. It's about the worry and the doubt that Satan puts in your head. The Bible specifically says not to worry. Over and over again it says to trust him. Sometimes it's hard. But in the long run it's worth it!

Do you feel like you are under spiritual attack?  Trust that God will bless you.  Know that He loves you.  Pray for his help & guidance.

Beyond the Miscarriages

Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.". I can tell you that there have been very dark times in my life where the devil tried to get me to doubt that verse.  I think the hardest times for me were my miscarriages.

You see, even though I am the youngest of six children, there is 10 years between me & my brother.  The age gap just goes up from there.  As a teenager, I always prayed that when I had kids that they would be close in age.  My brothers and sisters had each other to hang out with & help each other.  By the time I was in 2nd grade it was only mom & I living at home.
My husband and I had been married a little over a year when we found out that I was pregnant with our first child.  Excited doesn't even come close to describing it.  Two weeks overdue, she was born by emergency C-Section, but she was perfect.  In fact, she had daddy & pappy wrapped around her little finger even before we left the hospital.
She was about a year old when we started trying to give her a sibling.  However, after a year of trying, it was confirmed that I had stopped ovulating.  So I started taking Clomid.  It worked!  Two months after starting the Clomid I was pregnant.  Again, we were extremely happy.  However, that was short lived.  I miscarried at 8 weeks.  No one could tell us why. I just couldn't understand how a loving God could take that baby away from me.  He knew how desperately I wanted my children close in age, but now my daughter was already 3 years old.  

We tried the Clomid again and I got pregnant after only a few months.  This time I was 10 weeks when I miscarried.  I was heartbroken.

In the midst of my pain, God just kept telling me to be patient and trust Him.  I really struggled with this.  How could I trust God when He kept teasing me with pregnancy only to take the baby from me?

It was a rough and difficult road to recovery.  Not only did my body need to heal after 2 miscarriages in about 9 months, but my heart needed to heal too.  The anger and frustration had taken over.  I was downright mad at God.  He wasn't listening to me.

About a year and a half later, I found out I was pregnant again.  This time, I got pregnant without the use of any medications.  I was happy, but also scared.  What if I miscarry again?  I didn't think my heart could handle it again.  Later that year, our son was born 2 weeks early.  He was happy & healthy.  In fact, that boy is now 11 years old and taller than both my husband & I.

Since his birth, we have not been trying for another child.  However, we have not been preventing pregnancy either.  There have been 2 more miscarriages.  One I took a lot harder than the other (not quite sure why).  But I have to believe that God has a reason for everything.  I have to let go of the hurt & let my heart heal.

Would I welcome another child if God decided to bless me again, absolutely! But I am no longer desperately pleading with God for another child.  I no longer go into a downward spiral every month when I get my period.

Have I forgotten any of those babies that I never got to hold in my arms?  No.  I try to picture my mom, my husband's mom, and other family members in heaven rocking & loving on my babies.  They will forever be a part of my heart.

I am far from perfect.  I struggle to understand God's plan for my life.  How is my broken heart part of His master plan?  However, I know that He holds my future.

Are you struggling?  Leave me a message to tell me how I can pray for you.

Trust & Obey

When we were growing up, there were consequences for disobedience.  We knew that if we were caught doing something that we were not supposed to be doing, that we were in trouble.  Why is it then that we are so quick to disobey God?

There have been plenty of times in my life where God has pointed out things to me that I shouldn't be doing.  I stopped doing them for a while, and then out of nowhere, I was doing them again.  One I can think of right off the top of my head is cussing.  Other times it could be God telling me to do something specific.  Automatically my thoughts turn to "I can't do that.  What will people think?"  I can tell you with certainty, that He will not stop reminding you of what He told you to do.

Look at the story of Jonah.  He didn't want to go to Ninevah.  So he ran from God.  That didn't turn out the way he hoped.  He was swallowed by a giant fish.  However, after he repented, the fish spit him back out & he did what God had told him to do.

Sometimes I feel like Jonah.  I don't want to do what God is asking.  I try to run and do things on my own.  I guess you could relate that feeling to that of a toddler who just screams "NO!" and refuses.  Then there are other times that I feel like a kid when they are being forced to clean their room.  I do what I am told, but I wait as long as I can and do other things first.  Neither of those ways ever worked well with my parents.  It certainly doesn't work well with God either.

I am learning that it is better to be obedient to what God wants me to do.  Every day I pray that God will give me the strength to follow His will for my life.  It's not easy, but God never said following Him would be easy.  He said it would be worth it.

Now keep in mind, Satan doesn't like it when we are obedient.  He likes it even less when we are building a relationship with Christ.  He will try his best to put doubts in your head.  Satan will try anything that he can in order to get in the way of your relationship with God.

For me, that's where I can put my stubbornness to good use.  Every time that Satan attacks, I start playing worship music... I pick up my Bible and read for a while... I start working on this blog... I pray.  A calming reassurance comes over me.  He reminds me to trust Him & have faith that He will work everything out for His glory.

So, pray for God to show you His will for your life.  When He does, and He will, be obedient.  Keep the faith and trust that God will bless you if you follow Him.

Fill my Cup

So often we do so much for others that we feel depleted or empty.  God has given us a heart that cares for others.  But He didn't tell us to do it all alone.

He gave us each other.  We can find strength in each other.  Sometimes talking to a friend or a sister is the best thing to cheer us up.  I often pick on our pastor because he drinks a lot of coffee.  The truth is that I have had some really good conversations with him & his wife over a good cup of coffee.

You see, sometimes God fills your cup by filling your life with Christian brothers and sisters.  These people have been strategically placed in our lives for a purpose.  Look around at the people that have become more than just an acquaintance.  The ones who you have become family.  Learn to rely on them.  Don't forget that as much as you need them, they may need you to be there for them as well.

We are called to love one another.  What a better way to show love to each other.  When we support each other, we keep each other strong.  That strength draws others to us & widens the circle of God's love.

So when it seems like Satan is closing in on you, call on God.  He's only a prayer away.  But remember, he has placed people in your life to help you too.  Reach out to them in your time of need.  Then reciprocate when they need you.