Spiritual Attack

You know I've been learning a lot in the past few months. I'm learning that no matter what I do, Christ has to be the center of it. However, Satan doesn't doesn't like that.

Lately I feel like I'm under attack. I was on a good track of being positive.  Now our Central Air Conditioner is broken.  We also need a new refrigerator.  We found out that both need replaced on the same day.

This stinks!  However, Satan doesn't win this one.  I choose to stay positive.  Some may complain because we just paid off our credit cards.  I choose to thank God that we have the capability to purchase the new items that we need.

You know, it's not just about having put more money on the credit card that we just paid off. It's about the worry and the doubt that Satan puts in your head. The Bible specifically says not to worry. Over and over again it says to trust him. Sometimes it's hard. But in the long run it's worth it!

Do you feel like you are under spiritual attack?  Trust that God will bless you.  Know that He loves you.  Pray for his help & guidance.

Beyond the Miscarriages

Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.". I can tell you that there have been very dark times in my life where the devil tried to get me to doubt that verse.  I think the hardest times for me were my miscarriages.

You see, even though I am the youngest of six children, there is 10 years between me & my brother.  The age gap just goes up from there.  As a teenager, I always prayed that when I had kids that they would be close in age.  My brothers and sisters had each other to hang out with & help each other.  By the time I was in 2nd grade it was only mom & I living at home.
My husband and I had been married a little over a year when we found out that I was pregnant with our first child.  Excited doesn't even come close to describing it.  Two weeks overdue, she was born by emergency C-Section, but she was perfect.  In fact, she had daddy & pappy wrapped around her little finger even before we left the hospital.
She was about a year old when we started trying to give her a sibling.  However, after a year of trying, it was confirmed that I had stopped ovulating.  So I started taking Clomid.  It worked!  Two months after starting the Clomid I was pregnant.  Again, we were extremely happy.  However, that was short lived.  I miscarried at 8 weeks.  No one could tell us why. I just couldn't understand how a loving God could take that baby away from me.  He knew how desperately I wanted my children close in age, but now my daughter was already 3 years old.  

We tried the Clomid again and I got pregnant after only a few months.  This time I was 10 weeks when I miscarried.  I was heartbroken.

In the midst of my pain, God just kept telling me to be patient and trust Him.  I really struggled with this.  How could I trust God when He kept teasing me with pregnancy only to take the baby from me?

It was a rough and difficult road to recovery.  Not only did my body need to heal after 2 miscarriages in about 9 months, but my heart needed to heal too.  The anger and frustration had taken over.  I was downright mad at God.  He wasn't listening to me.

About a year and a half later, I found out I was pregnant again.  This time, I got pregnant without the use of any medications.  I was happy, but also scared.  What if I miscarry again?  I didn't think my heart could handle it again.  Later that year, our son was born 2 weeks early.  He was happy & healthy.  In fact, that boy is now 11 years old and taller than both my husband & I.

Since his birth, we have not been trying for another child.  However, we have not been preventing pregnancy either.  There have been 2 more miscarriages.  One I took a lot harder than the other (not quite sure why).  But I have to believe that God has a reason for everything.  I have to let go of the hurt & let my heart heal.

Would I welcome another child if God decided to bless me again, absolutely! But I am no longer desperately pleading with God for another child.  I no longer go into a downward spiral every month when I get my period.

Have I forgotten any of those babies that I never got to hold in my arms?  No.  I try to picture my mom, my husband's mom, and other family members in heaven rocking & loving on my babies.  They will forever be a part of my heart.

I am far from perfect.  I struggle to understand God's plan for my life.  How is my broken heart part of His master plan?  However, I know that He holds my future.

Are you struggling?  Leave me a message to tell me how I can pray for you.

Trust & Obey

When we were growing up, there were consequences for disobedience.  We knew that if we were caught doing something that we were not supposed to be doing, that we were in trouble.  Why is it then that we are so quick to disobey God?

There have been plenty of times in my life where God has pointed out things to me that I shouldn't be doing.  I stopped doing them for a while, and then out of nowhere, I was doing them again.  One I can think of right off the top of my head is cussing.  Other times it could be God telling me to do something specific.  Automatically my thoughts turn to "I can't do that.  What will people think?"  I can tell you with certainty, that He will not stop reminding you of what He told you to do.

Look at the story of Jonah.  He didn't want to go to Ninevah.  So he ran from God.  That didn't turn out the way he hoped.  He was swallowed by a giant fish.  However, after he repented, the fish spit him back out & he did what God had told him to do.

Sometimes I feel like Jonah.  I don't want to do what God is asking.  I try to run and do things on my own.  I guess you could relate that feeling to that of a toddler who just screams "NO!" and refuses.  Then there are other times that I feel like a kid when they are being forced to clean their room.  I do what I am told, but I wait as long as I can and do other things first.  Neither of those ways ever worked well with my parents.  It certainly doesn't work well with God either.

I am learning that it is better to be obedient to what God wants me to do.  Every day I pray that God will give me the strength to follow His will for my life.  It's not easy, but God never said following Him would be easy.  He said it would be worth it.

Now keep in mind, Satan doesn't like it when we are obedient.  He likes it even less when we are building a relationship with Christ.  He will try his best to put doubts in your head.  Satan will try anything that he can in order to get in the way of your relationship with God.

For me, that's where I can put my stubbornness to good use.  Every time that Satan attacks, I start playing worship music... I pick up my Bible and read for a while... I start working on this blog... I pray.  A calming reassurance comes over me.  He reminds me to trust Him & have faith that He will work everything out for His glory.

So, pray for God to show you His will for your life.  When He does, and He will, be obedient.  Keep the faith and trust that God will bless you if you follow Him.

Fill my Cup

So often we do so much for others that we feel depleted or empty.  God has given us a heart that cares for others.  But He didn't tell us to do it all alone.

He gave us each other.  We can find strength in each other.  Sometimes talking to a friend or a sister is the best thing to cheer us up.  I often pick on our pastor because he drinks a lot of coffee.  The truth is that I have had some really good conversations with him & his wife over a good cup of coffee.

You see, sometimes God fills your cup by filling your life with Christian brothers and sisters.  These people have been strategically placed in our lives for a purpose.  Look around at the people that have become more than just an acquaintance.  The ones who you have become family.  Learn to rely on them.  Don't forget that as much as you need them, they may need you to be there for them as well.

We are called to love one another.  What a better way to show love to each other.  When we support each other, we keep each other strong.  That strength draws others to us & widens the circle of God's love.

So when it seems like Satan is closing in on you, call on God.  He's only a prayer away.  But remember, he has placed people in your life to help you too.  Reach out to them in your time of need.  Then reciprocate when they need you.

The Order of Things

I am sure by now that anyone who reads my blog is wondering about the title.  I chose the title because I have learned in life that there has to be an order to things.  Without order, there is chaos.  I am not happy when there is chaos in my life.  Therefore, I choose to live in JOY.

     Jesus First
     Others Next
     Yourself Last

God must ALWAYS be first in my life.  I have learned this the hard way.  When I do things without praying about them and seeking wisdom from God, they don't always go the way that I want them to go.  God has a plan for my life, and when I do things on my own, sometimes I get in the way of His plan.

My husband and kids typically come next.  It is important that my husband and kids know that I love them enough to make sure that their needs are met.  After all, they do the same for me.  However, sometimes I find it hard to find a good balance of taking care of others and knowing when I need to take time out for me.

Lastly, I take time out for me.  After all, how can I care for others when I am physically and mentally drained?  There are many things that you can do for yourself that don't cost much money, or even that are free.  A bubble bath can cost only a few dollars every few months depending on the bubbles that you buy.  Sitting down for a cup of coffee uninterrupted really doesn't cost a whole lot if you look at the fact that you are probably buying the coffee anyways.  A phone call to a friend or family member while you drink that cup of coffee is nice too. Sometimes it might just mean spending extra time alone with God.  This morning instead of just reading 1 chapter in my Bible, I read the entire book of Esther before anyone else was even out of bed.  This complete quiet time with no one asking for anything, allowed me to think about what I was reading today and remember some things from a book I was reading yesterday.

I want to also give you something to think about regarding order.  I went to a christian school from 4th grade through 12th grade graduation.  I grew quite fond of several of the teachers there.  After having open heart surgery 5 1/2 years ago, I decided to visit.  A lot of the teachers were very surprised that I was there since they knew of my surgery and had been praying for me.  They all asked how I was doing with genuine concern.  However, one teacher asked a more important question.  He asked "How is your relationship with Christ?"  Honestly, it threw me back a little.  I had to think about my answer.  I answered the best that I could.  I told him that it was getting better.  So even though we want our friends/family to feel well, I think that we need to remember that more important than our physical and mental health, is our spiritual health and well being.

So, my question to you is the same as that teacher asked me.  How is your relationship with Christ?  Also, are you living in JOY?  Do you have something in your life that is getting in the way of your relationship with God?  I would love to hear from you.  Let me know your answers.  If you are in need of prayer, please post your prayer request.  I would be happy to pray for you.

The Beauty Around Us

Those of us that live in the north always wait for spring with excitement.  After a winter full of snow and cold weather, spring brings hope of warm weather, sunshine and pretty flowers.  However, tomorrow is the last day of April, and we had snow flurries this morning.

I got to thinking today... We spend so much time complaining about the cold in the winter, then an equal amount of time complaining about the heat in the summer that we don't really appreciate the beauty around us.

I'm not just talking about the beauty outside either.  Beauty is in everything around us.  To me, there is beauty in spending time indoors with the fireplace on enjoying a cup of coffee or cocoa.  There is beauty in spending an evening outside in the fall or spring around a campfire with friends.  There is beauty in the summer when we can gather as friends/family with a picnic.

So you see, God created beauty outside in nature.  He created beauty in our children.  He created beauty in our family and our friends that have become like family.  We just have to take the time to enjoy the beauty around us.

Work in Progress

I often see posts on Facebook where people are putting each other down. It makes me wonder why we are so hard on each other. We should be encouraging each other & lifting each other up.  However, no one is harder on me than me.  I see each mistake that I have made. I even see the mistakes that only God sees.  I tend to fret about each one.

I thank God everyday that he sees me as a work in progress. He forgives my mistakes. Not only does he forgive my sins, He has wiped them away completely.  With His help, I can make each day better than last.

I am going to do my best to be an encouragement to others.  I want to be an example of God's love in this dark world.  After all, we are commanded to love one another.

Also, if you are like me and you tend to beat yourself up, just remember that God can and will forgive your mistakes if we just ask.  Then you can continue in God's grace.

Love that Endures

I am a very emotional person, so I guess you could say that I have always been sentimental & sappy 😀. Today my husband and I celebrate our 21st wedding anniversary.  Time sure does fly.  I never imagined what a ride it would be.

We have had our ups & downs.  But we always seem to get through it all together.  In fact, just today I was thinking about how we always seem to be there for each other.  You never truly know how much someone loves you until you need to lean on them for strength.

Recently I was reminiscing about the past.  I can think of many instances in life where I had to lean on my husband for strength.  Then there are other times where I was able to be there for him.  God sure knew what he was doing when he placed this God fearing man in my life.

After 21 years, we still have many more adventures ahead of us.  However, with God in the center of our marriage, we can face anything.

What Scares Me

I have always only had a few close  friends.  However, lately it feels more like I have friends, but we are not close any more.  I feel lonely and it scares me to think that God is using that loneliness to pull me closer to Him.  Especially since I have gotten closer to God in the past few months.

My husband and I are both feeling this sense of loneliness & it has gotten worse since my mom passed away.  We often prayed about moving back to NC.  For a long time, we got the answer "just wait." Then all of the sudden we were told "no." That His plan does not include us moving back to NC.

Lately we have been talking about possibly moving back to TX.  This would allow us to be near my husband's family.  The question is, is this God's plan, or is this our want out of loneliness.  What scares me is that I know that if we move & it is not God's will, we will be miserable.  My other fear is my not finding a church family in South Texas.  It is a Spanish speaking community and I don't speak Spanish.  Will I be able to plug in somewhere?

All of these feelings I have given over to God.  I will no longer fret over any of it.  I am praying for God's will to be done.  Wherever He leads, I will follow.  For now though, I will grow and bloom where I am planted.

Why do we worry?

I am a worrier.  Even worse, I am spoiled.  I tend to get angry when there is something that I want but I am not getting what I want or what I feel I need when I want it.   Looking back at life, I can see that God always supplied what I truly needed.  Why is it though that I couldn't see that He knows what I need?  Why am I a worrier when I am called to be a warrior?

One of my favorite scriptures is Matthew 6:24 which says "So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." We need to live for today - not worry about what tomorrow will bring.  No matter what it is, with God on our side, we can do anything. 

I have found that when I let go of my worries & insecurities, that I am happier.  I know that no matter what God's plan is for my life, he goes before me.  Therefore, I don't need to worry.  By giving it all over to God, I have been a happier person.  The Bible clearly tells us not to.  It always tells us to trust.  It's definitely not easy to completely let go & let God.  However, I am slowly learning to do just that.

Is there something that you are worrying about?  Give it over to God.  You will be amazed at the peace that you will feel.

Not today Satan!!!

Quite some time ago our pastor preached about the Armor of God.  I listened... I thought I heard, but I didn't really apply it all.  I kind of took what I thought I needed at the time.  However, God had more for me to learn.

Ever since I got home from the Ladies Retreat, I have been trying my hardest to focus on God & what His will is for my life.  However, Satan has been lurking & waiting for me to put my guard down.  He doesn't want me to succeed.

My husband and I took our son to Washington, DC for a few days.  In fact, we we're lucky enough to have friends (more like family) join us as well.  While at the Museum of the Bible, my husband and I started to get HANGRY.  I can only think that Satan saw us enjoying ourselves and learning more about God & he didn't like it.  After lunch, we were both more mellow.  We were able to continue enjoying the museum & the company that we were with.

On our way home, my husband and I were both exhausted.  Just as I started to fall asleep my husband asked me to talk to him so that I could keep him awake.  First thing that popped into my head was negativity.  However, I sat it aside knowing that if he fell asleep at the wheel that we could crash.  God turned it all around.  We had an awesome conversation that included God.  In fact, I lost track of time and before we knew it we were home and able to rest comfortably.

So, I am learning that when I put aside my negativity, it allows God to step in & bless me as well as those around me.  Positivity helps keep Satan from getting ahold of me.  Remember that when we allow Satan to get even the smallest hold over us, it makes it easier for him to take control over other areas of our lives.  Therefore, we need to constantly be in touch with God in order to keep Satan at bay.

Spiritual Growth

I have been a christian for about 30 years.  However, my relationship with Christ has changed over the years.  Christ has changed me over the years.  I was raised in a christian home.  We went to church on most Sundays.  I even went to a christian school.  I was in 9th or 10th grade when I invited God into my heart in a Bible class at school.

My quiet time this morning started with me reading Hebrews 5:7-14. This really hit home for me.  When I first became a christian, I was excited.  But in time, the excitement wore off.  Something was still missing and I couldn't figure out what it was.  It took a very long time for me to realize that what was missing was a relationship with Christ.  Verse 12 says "You have been believers for so long now that you ought to be teaching others.  Instead, you need others to teach you again the basic things about God's word."  If we stop seeking a relationship with God, your knowledge of His ways start to fade and the old ways of life start to slowly filter back into your life.

I was taught that you never stop learning.  In fact, you should strive to learn something new every day.  That is true with my relationship with Christ.  I need to learn something new every day.  Although it is true that I do learn things from the church services that I attend, that cannot be where it stops.  I must continually pursue a relationship with Christ through the reading of His word as well as other books.  I also need to remember His teachings and be constant in prayer.

Christ has called us to love one another just as He loves us.  But how can we grow spiritually if we don't spend time with Him in order to learn more about His love for us?  Romans 12:9-13 says "9 Love is to be sincere and active [the real thing—without guile and hypocrisy]. Hate what is evil [detest all ungodliness, do not tolerate wickedness]; hold on tightly to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another with [authentic] brotherly affection [as members of one family], give preference to one another in honor; 11 never lagging behind in diligence; aglow in the Spirit, enthusiastically serving the Lord; 12 constantly rejoicing in hope [because of our confidence in Christ], steadfast and patient in distress, devoted to prayer [continually seeking wisdom, guidance, and strength], 13 contributing to the needs of God’s people, pursuing [the practice of] hospitality."  In order to grow spiritually, I must work on these things.

Is there something that you are working on in order to grow spiritually?  If so, let me know what it is in the comments.  Who knows, it may be something that I need to work on as well. Also, if you feel like there is something that you need to work on but can't figure out what it is, ask God to show you what it is.  He will direct your path.

Blessings

Today as I sit to write I ponder all of life's blessings.  My daughter is almost 19 years old.  She has a full time job and may be promoted to supervisor.  She is also going to Community College and paying for it 100% out of pocket with no student loans.  In the next 2 weeks she will be moving out and into her first apartment.  A few months ago I would have viewed this as a negative situation.  God has worked on my heart.  He has shown me that I have been preparing her for this day.

So again my positivity will win.  This is a major win.  But I must give all of the glory to God.  I could not do this without Him.

Ladies Retreat

For the past 3 years I have been blessed to be able to go to a ladies retreat with other ladies from the church where we are members.  I have had a good time each year, but this year was different for me.  In past years, it was about getting closer with the women that went with us from our church.  However, this year for me it was more about my relationship with Christ.  I spent a lot of time in prayer since I was part of the prayer team.  I felt God moving in the lives of other women who were in attendance.  More importantly, I felt God speaking to my heart.

I have been so caught up in my negative emotions that it was getting in the way of my prayer life with God.  My husband and I talked about it, and even though my husband and I are reading a book about prayer, it wasn't until I went to the retreat and focused on what God had to say to me that I truly thought about how negative I had become.

Another part of being part of the prayer team was praying for others.  I pray for others often, but this was different.  I could feel the Holy Spirit speaking through me & could see the work that he was doing.

I can't wait to see what He has in store for the future.  Changes are happening all around me.  It's exciting!

Word for 2018

Someone posted a YouTube video that really inspired me.  It gave her word for 2018 &  asked others to share their word for 2018.

My word for 2018 is positivity.  Have youyever noticed how your negative attitude affects not only you, but everyone around you?  I have... Even my kids attitude is based off of how I respond to certain situations.

My husband and I have been reading a book about prayer called "Prayer Partners.". In one of the chapters the author talks about how a bad attitude can interfere with our prayer life and ultimately interfere with our relationship with God.  I certainly don't want to be separated from God over my negativity.  Therefore, this year I am striving to be more positive.

Am I saying that I am perfect & that every day is going to be sunshine and rainbows?  No, but with God's help, I can have more good days than bad 😀

If you have read my blog before, you will notice that I have deleted most of my previous posts.  There are a few reasons for this.  Number 1 is that they were negative.  Number 2 is that my intention was never to have anyone pity me, & when I read the old posts now, I can see how it can look like I just wanted a pity party.  Number 3, and the most important of all, they did not glorify God.  Therefore, my hope is that my writing will be more of an inspiration to others in the future.  My goal is that God be glorified as I use the talents that He has given me.